His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
well you can't waste a boner
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
