I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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