His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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