The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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