And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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