Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
