so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
