I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize