I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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