rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
