He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What changed your mind?
Being sober
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
