fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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