I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize