I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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