I've blown a few things in my day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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