I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
