You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
