youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
farters have to be the big spoon...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
