I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
