I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
