He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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