I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
