Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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