she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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