you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
