My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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