New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
