I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
