The maid of honor just puked.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
