I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize