his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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