Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
