By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
