I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
