I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
