i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Holy sore nipples Batman
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
