I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize