She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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