so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
