She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
