So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
