either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
