Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
