Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i already hear my dad disowning me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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