she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
