that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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