I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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