Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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