That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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