id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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