Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize