i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
