my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
