I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I die, sorry about rent.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
