on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
