but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
