Who did Billy Mays play for?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
