he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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