I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
