Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
