I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize