I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
