tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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