the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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