just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
