Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
