Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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