i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
