Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize