What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
