She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
