Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
