They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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