There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
