I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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