Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
