i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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