Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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