I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
