i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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