you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
