When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
