one might say we're banned from that church
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
