Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
