Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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