The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
