Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize