I love black thongs
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
