He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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