Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
