Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize