We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
